ListenWords & Music Copyright by Barry Feldman (ASCAP)
Now I like most dogs and most dogs like me too
Till I sling on my mailbag and dress up in blue
They’ll crash windows, chew through fences or sneak up from the side
Or pass by five burglars for choice mailman hide
If you value your fingers watch those slots in those doors
Someone’s bicuspids wait right behind on all fours
Some say it’s territorial instinct while others cite the tale
That ever since those dogs were puppies, they’ve never got mail
What can you do when you’re in this position
Don’t want no dogfights on your most peaceful mission
You try to explain but they don’t understand
With their dogmatic brains, that you don’t want their land
When a hostile dog’s owner is there with her small son
You’re embarrassed to reach for your spray or to run
But that’s just when it’ll happen, when you pretend it’s alright
Those steel jaws’ll move faster than you can say ’he don’t bite’
And you’re a heel if you kick him, a scaredy cat if you hide
But if he leaps at you with his jaws open wide
Well then that’s where my progressive politics pale
Cause that projectile’s part wolf, not human nor whale
What can you do when you’re in this position
Don’t want to fight K-9s on your most benign mission
You try to explain but they don’t understand
With their dogmatic brains, that you don’t want their land
Well I’m politically correct but there’s a fact that’s not pretty
No mailperson has ever been bit by no kitty
You say it’s 95 to 1 that your dog will bite
But I deal with 95 each day that just might
If they gave me more time and it was just us three
I’ll bet we could sit round with some biscuits and tea
And you and Princess and me, we could work this thing out
But there’s hundreds of owners and dogs on these routes
What can you do when you’re in this position
Why should I feel guilty on my innocent mission
I try to explain but they don’t understand
With their dogmatic brains, that I don’t want their land, their land