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      The Mailman and the Dog         

Words & Music Copyright by Barry Feldman (ASCAP)

Now I like most dogs and most dogs like me too
Till I sling on my mailbag and dress up in blue
Theyíll crash windows, chew through fences or sneak up from the side
Or pass by five burglars for choice mailman hide
If you value your fingers watch those slots in those doors
Someoneís bicuspids wait right behind on all fours
Some say itís territorial instinct while others cite the tale
That ever since those dogs were puppies, theyíve never got mail

What can you do when youíre in this position
Donít want no dogfights on your most peaceful mission
You try to explain but they donít understand
With their dogmatic brains, that you donít want their land

When a hostile dogís owner is there with her small son
Youíre embarrassed to reach for your spray or to run
But thatís just when itíll happen, when you pretend itís alright
Those steel jawsíll move faster than you can say íhe donít biteí
And youíre a heel if you kick him, a scaredy cat if you hide
But if he leaps at you with his jaws open wide
Well then thatís where my progressive politics pale
Cause that projectileís a dog, not human nor whale

What can you do when youíre in this position
Donít want to fight K-9s on your most benign mission
You try to explain but they donít understand
With their dogmatic brains, that you donít want their land

Well Iím politically correct but thereís a fact thatís not pretty
No mailperson has ever been bit by no kitty
You say itís 95 to 1 that your dog will bite
But I deal with 95 each day that just might
If they gave me more time and it was just us three
Iíll bet we could sit round with some biscuits and tea
And you and Princess and me, we could work this thing out
But thereís hundreds of owners and dogs on these routes

What can you do when youíre in this position
Why should I feel guilty on my innocent mission
I try to explain but they donít understand
With their dogmatic brains, that I donít want their land, their land

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